Wives Submit Yourselves
Before I go into this, I need to be candid.
If I had known in my 20's what I know now, my marriage would have been very different.
I don't know if he would have left or not.
That was his decision. Not mine.
Two months before he walked out, I came to a crossroad. I had tried my best and had failed. I had lost my husband's heart, though I had allowed him to lead me into incredible spiritual poverty. (I'm just speaking the truth in love here. Not blaming. I'm acknowledging my own mistakes, hoping it will help someone else.)
When I came to that crossroad, I literally fell on my knees, and turned back to God.
The battle was won, in my heart. I surrendered to God, willing to serve my husband as if he were Jesus himself, with no promise of love in return. I remember telling Jesus I would do all things to my husband, as if it were Him.
At the same time, my husband came to that same crisis.
But he chose a different path.
He chose to "walk in the counsel of the ungodly" new friends he had chosen.
They told him "a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do." They told him to leave.
He chose one way. I had chosen the other.
Neither of us knew the other's choice.
But they happened about the same time.
You see, it takes two to make a marriage work. One cannot force the other to make correct choices.
And the Word says if the unbeliever departs, let him depart. Don't go screaming after them as if they are your only hope. Chasing a running man only makes him run faster, anyhow.
Two weeks before he left, I was kneeling by the bed, in prayer... and suddenly found myself in a vision. It was as real as life.
I found myself standing on the edge of a great cliff, like the high bluffs in the Ozarks. It was pitch dark; I could see nothing. But I knew that down below in the dark, flowed a mighty, rolling, flooding river. And I was nearly falling over the edge! I drew back in great fear.
And suddenly, I felt Someone beside me. He put His strong arm around me, and drew me close. I remember that voice: "Yes, you will go down there, but I will go with you. I will bring you through."
And that was the end of the vision. I couldn't understand what it was about.
Of course, when I came home after being gone for 2 days, and found furniture, dishes, and wedding gifts gone from every room, and a letter in their place - my knees buckled. I made my way through the house, and fell onto the bed, screaming, "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!"
My world had come crashing down. All my security was gone, except for my God.
And God did what He promised.
Almost daily, in my prayer time, I would see in visions, as if I were in deep rushing water above my shoulders, nearly closing in over me... I would have drowned, except for the arms I felt under me. These visions continued for 6 months. And then, one day, the vision changed: I was scrambling up a steep muddy riverbank, grabbing for saplings to pull myself up... and those strong arms were behind me, pushing me higher with each step.
And from that day, I have become stronger. God has restored my soul.
It is nothing but the Grace of God that got me where I am today!
And now, I look back, and I see where I went wrong. I see how my wrong training about authority and submission subverted not only my marriage, but also my relationship with God.
I was taught that the husband is the spiritual authority over his wife. He was the priest of the home. He bore responsibility to make the decisions for the home, in all things. That I could express an opinion, but once he made his decision, I was to support him completely. Otherwise, I was destroying my home.
Except... that didn't work.
What actually happened, was that I allowed him to supplant my conscience. I relied on him, as my "priest" to teach me spiritual truth.
If I disagreed, it was rebellion against my God-given direct spiritual authority!
This is the big danger of off-balance "submission" teaching.
I got to the place where I didn't know right from wrong. I did things I formerly felt very convicted against, but felt little guilt anymore. My conscience had been sold out.
I had allowed my husband to become an idol to me.
........................................
There are many who major greatly on submission... and I agree, it's an important subject.
But submission is only one-half of a whole.
The other half is the authority.
Christ said something profound about Christian authority.
Mark 10:42 But Jesus called them to him, and saith unto them, Ye know that they which are accounted to rule over the Gentiles exercise lordship over them; and their great ones exercise authority upon them.
43 But so shall it not be among you: but whosoever will be great among you, shall be your minister: 44 And whosoever of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all.
45 For even the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.
Here are a few definitions from the Greek in the above passage:
"They which are accounted to rule over the Gentiles" - "Those who appear to be first among the heathens"
"exercise lordship upon them" - "control, subjugate, exercise dominion over them."
"great ones exercise authority upon them" - "big (mega) ones wield full privilege over them."
That sounds like the strong dominating the weak, doesn't it?
It's orders from the top, which those under must obey, or face consequences.
This is pagan. Heathen.
It's not Christian.
Jesus said, "IT SHALL NOT BE SO AMONG YOU!"
What part of that do we not understand?
The church - and the Christian home - are not to be ordered in such a pagan manner.
Jesus gave strict directions about what is truly Christian leadership:
"Whosoever will be great among you, shall be your minister."
And whosoever of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all."
Here are a few more definitions from the Greek:
"Whoever wants to become big (mega) within you, will be an attendant at menial duties."
And whoever wants to become the foremost, shall be the slave of all of you."
Why? Because this is Christlike!
From Greek definitions: "Even the Son of Man came not to be waited on, but to be an attendant to others, and to deliver up his spirit as a redemption price on behalf of many."
Jesus Christ is our High Priest. He is the Head.
He, as our Leader, has gone before us, showing us how to live.
In the manner He lived, even so we ought to live.
In the manner He led, even so ought his followers to lead.
Anything else is not Christian.
And this is where true Christian authority-and-submission issues begin and end.
Because if every Christian husband and every Christian wife would come into the marriage with a truly Christlike attitude of service and humility toward the other, it would resolve most marriage problems.
Pride is the problem, on both ends of the authority-and-submission spectrum.
We expect earthly authorities to act rather pagan.
The strong dominate the weak. They order them around. The poor are taken advantage of. The powerless are kept at less-than-living-wage. Why? Because it's the nature of the sinful heart, to use others for selfish gain, and to prop up the ego.
Within the home, the stronger one will dominate the weaker. This is the rule for marriage relationships around the world, throughout all religions. Outside of Christ, a marriage is a constant battleground, the pitting of two wills against one another. Every weapon owned is used to try to get one's own way. Sharp tongues, the checkbook, children, physical touch... when marriage becomes a battleground of prideful wills, everything can be used to hurt one another.
But Jesus showed us a better way!
The spirit of humility and self-sacrificial love completely trumps selfish thirst for domination.
Even Christian men will have faults. Every human will make seriously wrong judgment calls.
And born-again men also have the male ego - which in the natural is a weakness toward pride.
While we are on this earth, we will have good days and bad ones. Some days, we will not walk perfectly in the Spirit. And on those days, our homes revert to a "heathen style" of authority.
And naturally speaking, that's usually the husband, lording it over the wife. But not always.
Sometimes, it's the other way around.
So, what's a wife to do, if her Christian husband has a "heathen" style of leadership on a bad day?
Submit. Be sweet, like Jesus. Don't be subversive.
Remember, whatever you do to him, you are doing to Christ.
1Peter 3:1 "Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives"
Subjection to a husband isn't really necessary unless someone's walking in the flesh.
Because "subjection" has to do with a clash of wills.
It's about raw domination at that point.
Just let him dominate. Don't get in the flesh yourself.
Stay sweet. Don't let the devil take you down, too.
But in matters of conscience, even wives must obey God, rather than man.
You can stand strong for what's right, in a sweet spirit.
It's the Christlike way.
Now... what about...
Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
First, let's look at the context. The verse just before this says,
21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.
Therefore, submission is a universal trait, which should permeate the entire body of Christ.
And in this atmosphere, women will not be dominated in a heathen way.
In this atmosphere, wives can submit themselves to their husbands without emotional neglect or abuse. Husbands will be washing their wives emotionally, with words of loving kindness and gentle care. (Not pressure-washing or sand-blasting them with hard words.)
Wives are to submit to their husbands exactly as the church is to submit to Christ.
That does not mean she is supposed to be his slave or his doormat.
The church is not Christ's slave or doormat. That's backward from the Christian model!
A wife is supposed to be to her husband what the church is to Christ.
She is to honor him in everything, and be at his side, gladly doing what pleases him!
What does the word "head" mean?
In the Greek, it's "kephale."
Much has been made about the husband being "the head" over his wife.... but...
There is no example of "kephale" ever being used to mean "authority" in Greek literature until the second century.
Up until then, it meant "source."
And even in English, we still use "head" in this way, as in "the head of a river."
Think of a river's head. It's a spring, flowing forth. It needs a place to go. It seeks the lowest spot. A river is formed from that life-giving water. The river is accepting and open to those waters pouring into it. It's not resisting, pushing back. It doesn't try to tell the spring how to be a spring. She just lets the spring spring.
Physically, this is a perfect picture of how a wife receives the life-giving seed of her husband, and carries it, swelling with new life, and giving birth to a child bearing the DNA of both the father and herself.
And in the day-to-day living, that's how wives are to interact with their husbands.
Respect. Don't push back. Let him be who he is. Let him express his thoughts. Listen. Be open.
Don't tell him how to think. Don't tell him how to do things better. Stop being a back-seat driver in his life. It's simple respect. He has the right to make mistakes and learn from them, without being ordered around or belittled.
Be that riverbed. Let the spring flow. Let him dream his dreams and do his thing. Be at his side, helping him.
Adam was the source of Eve.
This points back again... to that pesky Artemis cult in the cultural background of Ephesus!
Where women were trained to wrest all control from men... and to teach that Eve was spiritually superior, and formed before Adam... doesn't it all come full circle?
Paul was addressing a specific problem in Ephesus. Women were very resistant to the idea of submitting to a man. (And this problem is rearing its head in America quite badly right now.)
But Christians are all supposed to submit to one another.
We are to be patient and listening and kind, not pushing our egotistical wills on others.
The Christlike spirit is not egotistical. It does not seek to dominate others, but to serve.
The way to greatness is humility.
The way up is down.
For both men and women.
If I had known in my 20's what I know now, my marriage would have been very different.
I don't know if he would have left or not.
That was his decision. Not mine.
Two months before he walked out, I came to a crossroad. I had tried my best and had failed. I had lost my husband's heart, though I had allowed him to lead me into incredible spiritual poverty. (I'm just speaking the truth in love here. Not blaming. I'm acknowledging my own mistakes, hoping it will help someone else.)
When I came to that crossroad, I literally fell on my knees, and turned back to God.
The battle was won, in my heart. I surrendered to God, willing to serve my husband as if he were Jesus himself, with no promise of love in return. I remember telling Jesus I would do all things to my husband, as if it were Him.
At the same time, my husband came to that same crisis.
But he chose a different path.
He chose to "walk in the counsel of the ungodly" new friends he had chosen.
They told him "a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do." They told him to leave.
He chose one way. I had chosen the other.
Neither of us knew the other's choice.
But they happened about the same time.
You see, it takes two to make a marriage work. One cannot force the other to make correct choices.
And the Word says if the unbeliever departs, let him depart. Don't go screaming after them as if they are your only hope. Chasing a running man only makes him run faster, anyhow.
Two weeks before he left, I was kneeling by the bed, in prayer... and suddenly found myself in a vision. It was as real as life.
I found myself standing on the edge of a great cliff, like the high bluffs in the Ozarks. It was pitch dark; I could see nothing. But I knew that down below in the dark, flowed a mighty, rolling, flooding river. And I was nearly falling over the edge! I drew back in great fear.
And suddenly, I felt Someone beside me. He put His strong arm around me, and drew me close. I remember that voice: "Yes, you will go down there, but I will go with you. I will bring you through."
And that was the end of the vision. I couldn't understand what it was about.
Of course, when I came home after being gone for 2 days, and found furniture, dishes, and wedding gifts gone from every room, and a letter in their place - my knees buckled. I made my way through the house, and fell onto the bed, screaming, "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!"
My world had come crashing down. All my security was gone, except for my God.
And God did what He promised.
Almost daily, in my prayer time, I would see in visions, as if I were in deep rushing water above my shoulders, nearly closing in over me... I would have drowned, except for the arms I felt under me. These visions continued for 6 months. And then, one day, the vision changed: I was scrambling up a steep muddy riverbank, grabbing for saplings to pull myself up... and those strong arms were behind me, pushing me higher with each step.
And from that day, I have become stronger. God has restored my soul.
It is nothing but the Grace of God that got me where I am today!
And now, I look back, and I see where I went wrong. I see how my wrong training about authority and submission subverted not only my marriage, but also my relationship with God.
I was taught that the husband is the spiritual authority over his wife. He was the priest of the home. He bore responsibility to make the decisions for the home, in all things. That I could express an opinion, but once he made his decision, I was to support him completely. Otherwise, I was destroying my home.
Except... that didn't work.
What actually happened, was that I allowed him to supplant my conscience. I relied on him, as my "priest" to teach me spiritual truth.
If I disagreed, it was rebellion against my God-given direct spiritual authority!
This is the big danger of off-balance "submission" teaching.
I got to the place where I didn't know right from wrong. I did things I formerly felt very convicted against, but felt little guilt anymore. My conscience had been sold out.
I had allowed my husband to become an idol to me.
........................................
There are many who major greatly on submission... and I agree, it's an important subject.
But submission is only one-half of a whole.
The other half is the authority.
Christ said something profound about Christian authority.
Mark 10:42 But Jesus called them to him, and saith unto them, Ye know that they which are accounted to rule over the Gentiles exercise lordship over them; and their great ones exercise authority upon them.
43 But so shall it not be among you: but whosoever will be great among you, shall be your minister: 44 And whosoever of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all.
45 For even the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.
Here are a few definitions from the Greek in the above passage:
"They which are accounted to rule over the Gentiles" - "Those who appear to be first among the heathens"
"exercise lordship upon them" - "control, subjugate, exercise dominion over them."
"great ones exercise authority upon them" - "big (mega) ones wield full privilege over them."
That sounds like the strong dominating the weak, doesn't it?
It's orders from the top, which those under must obey, or face consequences.
This is pagan. Heathen.
It's not Christian.
Jesus said, "IT SHALL NOT BE SO AMONG YOU!"
What part of that do we not understand?
The church - and the Christian home - are not to be ordered in such a pagan manner.
Jesus gave strict directions about what is truly Christian leadership:
"Whosoever will be great among you, shall be your minister."
And whosoever of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all."
Here are a few more definitions from the Greek:
"Whoever wants to become big (mega) within you, will be an attendant at menial duties."
And whoever wants to become the foremost, shall be the slave of all of you."
Why? Because this is Christlike!
From Greek definitions: "Even the Son of Man came not to be waited on, but to be an attendant to others, and to deliver up his spirit as a redemption price on behalf of many."
Jesus Christ is our High Priest. He is the Head.
He, as our Leader, has gone before us, showing us how to live.
In the manner He lived, even so we ought to live.
In the manner He led, even so ought his followers to lead.
Anything else is not Christian.
And this is where true Christian authority-and-submission issues begin and end.
Because if every Christian husband and every Christian wife would come into the marriage with a truly Christlike attitude of service and humility toward the other, it would resolve most marriage problems.
Pride is the problem, on both ends of the authority-and-submission spectrum.
We expect earthly authorities to act rather pagan.
The strong dominate the weak. They order them around. The poor are taken advantage of. The powerless are kept at less-than-living-wage. Why? Because it's the nature of the sinful heart, to use others for selfish gain, and to prop up the ego.
Within the home, the stronger one will dominate the weaker. This is the rule for marriage relationships around the world, throughout all religions. Outside of Christ, a marriage is a constant battleground, the pitting of two wills against one another. Every weapon owned is used to try to get one's own way. Sharp tongues, the checkbook, children, physical touch... when marriage becomes a battleground of prideful wills, everything can be used to hurt one another.
But Jesus showed us a better way!
The spirit of humility and self-sacrificial love completely trumps selfish thirst for domination.
Even Christian men will have faults. Every human will make seriously wrong judgment calls.
And born-again men also have the male ego - which in the natural is a weakness toward pride.
While we are on this earth, we will have good days and bad ones. Some days, we will not walk perfectly in the Spirit. And on those days, our homes revert to a "heathen style" of authority.
And naturally speaking, that's usually the husband, lording it over the wife. But not always.
Sometimes, it's the other way around.
So, what's a wife to do, if her Christian husband has a "heathen" style of leadership on a bad day?
Submit. Be sweet, like Jesus. Don't be subversive.
Remember, whatever you do to him, you are doing to Christ.
1Peter 3:1 "Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives"
Subjection to a husband isn't really necessary unless someone's walking in the flesh.
Because "subjection" has to do with a clash of wills.
It's about raw domination at that point.
Just let him dominate. Don't get in the flesh yourself.
Stay sweet. Don't let the devil take you down, too.
But in matters of conscience, even wives must obey God, rather than man.
You can stand strong for what's right, in a sweet spirit.
It's the Christlike way.
Now... what about...
Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
First, let's look at the context. The verse just before this says,
21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.
Therefore, submission is a universal trait, which should permeate the entire body of Christ.
And in this atmosphere, women will not be dominated in a heathen way.
In this atmosphere, wives can submit themselves to their husbands without emotional neglect or abuse. Husbands will be washing their wives emotionally, with words of loving kindness and gentle care. (Not pressure-washing or sand-blasting them with hard words.)
Wives are to submit to their husbands exactly as the church is to submit to Christ.
That does not mean she is supposed to be his slave or his doormat.
The church is not Christ's slave or doormat. That's backward from the Christian model!
A wife is supposed to be to her husband what the church is to Christ.
She is to honor him in everything, and be at his side, gladly doing what pleases him!
What does the word "head" mean?
In the Greek, it's "kephale."
Much has been made about the husband being "the head" over his wife.... but...
There is no example of "kephale" ever being used to mean "authority" in Greek literature until the second century.
Up until then, it meant "source."
And even in English, we still use "head" in this way, as in "the head of a river."
Think of a river's head. It's a spring, flowing forth. It needs a place to go. It seeks the lowest spot. A river is formed from that life-giving water. The river is accepting and open to those waters pouring into it. It's not resisting, pushing back. It doesn't try to tell the spring how to be a spring. She just lets the spring spring.
Physically, this is a perfect picture of how a wife receives the life-giving seed of her husband, and carries it, swelling with new life, and giving birth to a child bearing the DNA of both the father and herself.
And in the day-to-day living, that's how wives are to interact with their husbands.
Respect. Don't push back. Let him be who he is. Let him express his thoughts. Listen. Be open.
Don't tell him how to think. Don't tell him how to do things better. Stop being a back-seat driver in his life. It's simple respect. He has the right to make mistakes and learn from them, without being ordered around or belittled.
Be that riverbed. Let the spring flow. Let him dream his dreams and do his thing. Be at his side, helping him.
Adam was the source of Eve.
This points back again... to that pesky Artemis cult in the cultural background of Ephesus!
Where women were trained to wrest all control from men... and to teach that Eve was spiritually superior, and formed before Adam... doesn't it all come full circle?
Paul was addressing a specific problem in Ephesus. Women were very resistant to the idea of submitting to a man. (And this problem is rearing its head in America quite badly right now.)
But Christians are all supposed to submit to one another.
We are to be patient and listening and kind, not pushing our egotistical wills on others.
The Christlike spirit is not egotistical. It does not seek to dominate others, but to serve.
The way to greatness is humility.
The way up is down.
For both men and women.
Comments
Post a Comment