My Testimony (part 3)
When I first returned to the Mennonites, it was a tremendous transition for me, but far more so for my children, who knew nothing of that culture except as outsiders. They didn't think like Mennonites. It was very hard for them to adopt the clothing necessary to avoid offending my relatives. Their entire lives had been disrupted, and their home broken... and now even their clothes had to change. For a 10-yr old and a 16-yr-old, this was very difficult.
I was accepted back with open arms, but my children found it a bit more difficult. In the Mennonite mindset, it's a threat to their own children, to allow them to play with non-Mennonites. After much church debate, my daughter was allowed to join the church school, with conditions to meet. But my son was rejected as too old to be changed. He had to attend public school. He attended church, but he felt the rejection deeply. Not only was he not allowed to attend the church school, but he also had Asperger's and was physically handicapped in a way that was not visible to the eye. Flat-footed and very clumsy, he struggled just with things like buttoning his shirt and managing walking without stumbling. But to the Mennonites, physical labor proves a man's worth, unless it's obvious he can't. But with my son, it wasn't obvious. All that met the eye was his unusual way of thinking and communicating... which made social situations difficult.
One day, after church, a brother in the church (who often taught Sunday School) openly mocked and jeered at him, for not measuring up. He cut him down to nothing. A minister stood nearby watching the whole thing, and did nothing to intervene. That was the turning point for my son. He knew this was not the way Jesus treated people. From that day, his heart was set to leave the Mennonites and to stand up for every despised and rejected person he could. Now, he's doing the very thing he was designed to do - he excels at university and library work, and has nearly completed his Master's in Archival Studies. He's already employed with the university where he attends, and has traveled widely. Some may label him as a failure. But I don't. He truly loves Jesus, and has great compassion for others. No, he doesn't think like traditional southern conservatives think. But that doesn't make him completely wrong.
......
When I first arrived, having moved about 3 hours distance, I was often asked what I would do for an income. I knew the God who had led me that far wasn't about to let me down. And within a few weeks, I got a call from a complete stranger, asking if I would consider caring for her parents. I had been a CNA in my youth, so this came very natural for me.
The years that followed were hard, but things got better. God provided enough. Every month, the bills got paid. The overwhelming needs, like emergency dental surgery, the church helped us to pay. We were given a lot of deer meat. I canned and froze vegetables and fruit, and cooked everything from scratch.
God used the Mennonite church to help us work through some very difficult times. The ministry stood up for us in situations where it seemed legally Satan would destroy us. There was a time it looked like I would be taken to court, as a custody battle brewed. But God heard the prayers of this mother's heart, and miraculously, the case was dropped. Threats of taking the children and disappearing dropped away. ...But so did the alimony and child support. I did the Mennonite thing. Let it go. Don't demand payment. And God honored that, and provided!
The whole while, I felt that Scripturally, I had to keep my heart open to take my husband back if he wanted to come back. I believed we were still married in God's eyes: that divorce was not recognized by God.
Those who have never lived through that, have no idea what it's like. There is no worse torture than to be abandoned, then threatened... and to think God wants you to stay submissive and open to receive this person back at the drop of a hat.
It took 10 years of this, until I realized I no longer felt toward him as a wife would. I naturally tend toward deep commitments. I would never have considered unfaithfulness or divorce, no matter how hard the marriage. But after 7 years of straining to see any sign of repentance on his part, my weeping slowed. A few more years, and I realized the "love" feelings had died. It was a slow, agonizing death. But what welcome relief.
Widows can bury their dead, and be surrounded by loving support... but a divorcee? She's a threat. She's somehow guilty of doing something wrong... and potentially a seducer of married men around her, right? The death a forsaken wife feels is far more painful than what a widow feels. A widow has memories of love and companionship. A divorcee has memories of love turning to hate and abuse. A divorcee has nothing left, not even her memories. And she has no grave to put closure to it all. No encouragement to move on, to dream new dreams. And she usually has broken children she's pulling close, trying to mend their broken hearts, too. ...While the church stands a bit removed, uncomfortable with this "situation" in their midst.
........................
During this time, I tried to share what I had experienced in my Baptism in the Spirit. I tried to share it privately with different people in the church.
But it didn't go over too well. I remember sitting in the living room of one young minister, talking about it for hours... but he was very leery. It simply wasn't acceptable Mennonite doctrine.
A dear sister decided she needed to put my "tongues" to the test. She was rather worried they were of the devil. So, she asked if she could come over, to pray together about it. Of course, I agreed. I had nothing to hide.
So, she came over, and we talked a bit, then knelt together, and we prayed. Then she asked me to speak in 'those tongues of yours."
I did. I prayed to the Lord in the Spirit, as he had given it to me many years previously. It flowed effortlessly, as usual.
And then, she demanded the spirit that spoke through me, to tell her who Jesus was!
What exploded through my own mouth shocked even me.
"JESUS CHRIST, SON OF THE MOST HIGH, BLESSED FOREVER!"
When she left, she was so confused. Still unconvinced, because the Spirit had not specifically quoted the Scripture, "Jesus Christ is come in the flesh."
But that's not what she had asked!
The Spirit had answered precisely what she had asked: Who is Jesus?
And the Spirit was perfectly in line with Scripture.
........................
The local Mennonite church is natured a lot like I am. That's natural, I suppose, as over half of them are closely related to me! They commit very deeply. And this translates to trying as hard as possible to obey every command of the Word. This can be good. But it can also be bad... especially if the interpretation is a bit off.
This post is getting long.
Stay tuned.
I'll try to wrap it up in the next post.
I was accepted back with open arms, but my children found it a bit more difficult. In the Mennonite mindset, it's a threat to their own children, to allow them to play with non-Mennonites. After much church debate, my daughter was allowed to join the church school, with conditions to meet. But my son was rejected as too old to be changed. He had to attend public school. He attended church, but he felt the rejection deeply. Not only was he not allowed to attend the church school, but he also had Asperger's and was physically handicapped in a way that was not visible to the eye. Flat-footed and very clumsy, he struggled just with things like buttoning his shirt and managing walking without stumbling. But to the Mennonites, physical labor proves a man's worth, unless it's obvious he can't. But with my son, it wasn't obvious. All that met the eye was his unusual way of thinking and communicating... which made social situations difficult.
One day, after church, a brother in the church (who often taught Sunday School) openly mocked and jeered at him, for not measuring up. He cut him down to nothing. A minister stood nearby watching the whole thing, and did nothing to intervene. That was the turning point for my son. He knew this was not the way Jesus treated people. From that day, his heart was set to leave the Mennonites and to stand up for every despised and rejected person he could. Now, he's doing the very thing he was designed to do - he excels at university and library work, and has nearly completed his Master's in Archival Studies. He's already employed with the university where he attends, and has traveled widely. Some may label him as a failure. But I don't. He truly loves Jesus, and has great compassion for others. No, he doesn't think like traditional southern conservatives think. But that doesn't make him completely wrong.
......
When I first arrived, having moved about 3 hours distance, I was often asked what I would do for an income. I knew the God who had led me that far wasn't about to let me down. And within a few weeks, I got a call from a complete stranger, asking if I would consider caring for her parents. I had been a CNA in my youth, so this came very natural for me.
The years that followed were hard, but things got better. God provided enough. Every month, the bills got paid. The overwhelming needs, like emergency dental surgery, the church helped us to pay. We were given a lot of deer meat. I canned and froze vegetables and fruit, and cooked everything from scratch.
God used the Mennonite church to help us work through some very difficult times. The ministry stood up for us in situations where it seemed legally Satan would destroy us. There was a time it looked like I would be taken to court, as a custody battle brewed. But God heard the prayers of this mother's heart, and miraculously, the case was dropped. Threats of taking the children and disappearing dropped away. ...But so did the alimony and child support. I did the Mennonite thing. Let it go. Don't demand payment. And God honored that, and provided!
The whole while, I felt that Scripturally, I had to keep my heart open to take my husband back if he wanted to come back. I believed we were still married in God's eyes: that divorce was not recognized by God.
Those who have never lived through that, have no idea what it's like. There is no worse torture than to be abandoned, then threatened... and to think God wants you to stay submissive and open to receive this person back at the drop of a hat.
It took 10 years of this, until I realized I no longer felt toward him as a wife would. I naturally tend toward deep commitments. I would never have considered unfaithfulness or divorce, no matter how hard the marriage. But after 7 years of straining to see any sign of repentance on his part, my weeping slowed. A few more years, and I realized the "love" feelings had died. It was a slow, agonizing death. But what welcome relief.
Widows can bury their dead, and be surrounded by loving support... but a divorcee? She's a threat. She's somehow guilty of doing something wrong... and potentially a seducer of married men around her, right? The death a forsaken wife feels is far more painful than what a widow feels. A widow has memories of love and companionship. A divorcee has memories of love turning to hate and abuse. A divorcee has nothing left, not even her memories. And she has no grave to put closure to it all. No encouragement to move on, to dream new dreams. And she usually has broken children she's pulling close, trying to mend their broken hearts, too. ...While the church stands a bit removed, uncomfortable with this "situation" in their midst.
........................
During this time, I tried to share what I had experienced in my Baptism in the Spirit. I tried to share it privately with different people in the church.
But it didn't go over too well. I remember sitting in the living room of one young minister, talking about it for hours... but he was very leery. It simply wasn't acceptable Mennonite doctrine.
A dear sister decided she needed to put my "tongues" to the test. She was rather worried they were of the devil. So, she asked if she could come over, to pray together about it. Of course, I agreed. I had nothing to hide.
So, she came over, and we talked a bit, then knelt together, and we prayed. Then she asked me to speak in 'those tongues of yours."
I did. I prayed to the Lord in the Spirit, as he had given it to me many years previously. It flowed effortlessly, as usual.
And then, she demanded the spirit that spoke through me, to tell her who Jesus was!
What exploded through my own mouth shocked even me.
"JESUS CHRIST, SON OF THE MOST HIGH, BLESSED FOREVER!"
When she left, she was so confused. Still unconvinced, because the Spirit had not specifically quoted the Scripture, "Jesus Christ is come in the flesh."
But that's not what she had asked!
The Spirit had answered precisely what she had asked: Who is Jesus?
And the Spirit was perfectly in line with Scripture.
........................
The local Mennonite church is natured a lot like I am. That's natural, I suppose, as over half of them are closely related to me! They commit very deeply. And this translates to trying as hard as possible to obey every command of the Word. This can be good. But it can also be bad... especially if the interpretation is a bit off.
This post is getting long.
Stay tuned.
I'll try to wrap it up in the next post.
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